Harry Potter and the Zombie apcolypse
by KentuckyFriedFrodo
Summary: A magical creature turns Hagrid into a zombie, and Hogwarts is now under siege.


**HARRY POTTER**

**and the**

**ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE**

"Thank you all for gathering here this evening." Albus Dumbledore's face positively beamed as he looked out over the three occupied tables."I am certain you have all played or at least heard of the game known as Good news, Bad news. Tonight we shall be playing a variation of it called Bad news, Bad news, Good news, Bad news." He walked to the edge of the raised platform on which the teachers table stood. "As he attended to his duties as gamekeeper, Hagrid was bitten by an unknown magical creature. Within moments of contamination, he contracted the disease that I believe is commonly known as "zombification." Numerous gasps resonated throughout the tables, but Dumbledore pressed on. "Further more, we have lost contact with the entirety of Hufflepuff House and Professor Umbridge, hence the empty seats at both the Hufflepuff and faculty tables.

There were more gasps, and some choruses of Ding Dong the Hag is Dead. He continued. "So we must assume they have been infected and are trying to break in here and eat the brains that the professors have been attempting to fill with knowledge." He said cheerfully. Everyone became quiet and the sounds of banging and groaning could be heard outside the great double doors. Several of the first years nearly fainted, and one did, planting his face in a pile of silverware. Some neighboring students winced. He would feel that later. If they lived that long.

"On a more positive note, we have established contact with the kitchens, and can survive here indefinitely. Unfortunately, the zombies have cut off all forms of communication between us and the outside world, which makes having contact with the kitchens really quite handy, but our undead friends are contained within the grounds walls, so the epidemic will not spread."

The smile on his face suggested that he was discussing a pleasant picnic with them instead of their impending deaths.

"So, I now find myself in need of a plan that will save us all. So..."

Ron stood. "One of the houses could rush the exit and hope that some of them survive to bring help for the others." Dumbledore smiled at him and then spoke. "Mr. Weasley has plan B. Does anyone have a plan A? Anybody? Anybody? No? Okay then, if you will all now join me as we sing the school song. Everybody pick a tune, and away we go!

After the ninth repetition, the Headmaster called a halt. "As always, that was wonderful! Now, I hope that has gotten the creative juices flowing and a plan A created or I shall be forced to conclude that we have yet to be creative enough and begin the singing once more."

A babble of voices shouted out a variety of plans, each as half baked and desperate as the next. Most of the desperation was due to the threat of singing, although some of it could have been the fact that the pounding on the doors had increased, and the doors themselves had been reinforced with the house tables and benches, as well as some well placed sticking charms. The students had posted seventh and sixth years armed with wands and sharpened candle stands and steak knives on guard.

Dumbledore waited until the deluge of plans halted and was about to speak when a dreamy voice came from the Ravenclaw portion of the floor. "We could have the house elves cook something that the zombies like and let the smell drift to them, hopefully drawing them away." Luna said, trying to make her wand stand on her nose. Dumbledore paused. "Miss Lovegood, that may just work. I will contact the kitchens."

The head elf entered the kitchen. "We is being asked to make brains." He announced. An elf raised a hand. "How is wes to do this?" she asked. The head elf glanced at the note in his hand. "Wes is to fry slaughtered animals brains, and let the smells waft out to zomblies and draws them here by order of Headmaster Dumbliedore."

The house elves considered this.

"Wes have not cooked brains before."

"Wes can learn."

"Wes can save the school."

"Lets dos it!"

Hagrid the Zombie stopped hammering on the doors that prevented him and the others reaching the delicious brains within, and sniffed the air. The amazing smell of fried brains drifted down the hall. Fried brains beat raw any day. By now the other zombies had noticed the smell and were stampeding toward it's source. But he was going to get there first. Hagrid the Zombie thundered over his fellows, ignoring the popping sounds as they squished beneath his boots. No one would get in his way when Hagrid the Zombie was on his crusade.

The ministry scout team observed the Hogwarts grounds with horror. Undead students (mostly Hufflepuffs for some reason) wandered the them. Some centaurs where among them, but skirmishing on the edges of the forbidden suggested that the majority still truly lived. The exact number of hostiles was unknown, but one thing was for sure. The scout team leader apparated back to base. "Yeeeah." He said. "We're gonna need more the just magical law enforcement."

"Once again, we find ourselves at the end of another exciting year." Albus Dumbledore said, beaming once again. "And, as always, I have some last minute points to award before we sink our teeth into this delicious feast!" Groans and mumbles of "Gryffindor wins again" rose from the Ravenclaw and Slytherin tables. The Hufflepuff table was, of course, empty.

"Now now." The Headmaster said. "For providing a plan B that we would have most certainly used should plan A have failed during our undead trouble, I award fifty points to Ronald Weasley."

Mild clapping came from the students.

"And to Luna Lovegood, for providing the plan A that saved the lives of everyone in this room, though I am not sure the hour glass will be able to hold it, I award one thousand points!"

There was silence in the room except for the shattering of glass. Then the Ravenclaw table exploded into cheers. "I believe a change of decoration is in order."

Dumbledore clapped his hands and spread them towards the Gryffindor banners, which promptly turned the blue and bronze of Ravenclaw.

"Now! Without further adieu, dig in!"


End file.
